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Funny Jokes - The newest and best funny jokes

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 Funny Jokes From category One Liner Jokes
What was the witches' favorite subject in school?
Spelling...
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Joke mark: 5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Little Johnny Jokes
Johnny was new to his school but he didntrember his last name.so as the teachor was showing him around the class the dad said please encuse me i have to use the bathroom the teachor replyrd down the hall to the left,so when jhonnys dad lefr jhonny ask the teachor whats that condom for and she bent over and jhonny spotter her minni shirt and saw her thong on so jhonny jumped on her and started humping her agressively.than jhonnys dad walked in and said JHONNY HUMPER ? jhonny replye i am dad i am!!!!!!!!!!
[ Joke sent by Queena ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Politic Jokes
You Might Be A Democrate If...
You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress.
You think that pornography corrupts women, but find nothing wrong with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.
You cry every May 4th over the four people killed at Kent State, but have never been to the Vietnam Memorial.
Along the same lines, "Four Dead in OHIO" by Neil Young gives you goosebumps, but "19" by Paul Hardcastle means nothing to you.
You say shows like "Leave It to Beaver" are out of touch with America today, while you flip to your soap opera.
You know of the stockpile of biological weapons in Iraq, but think that the US is wrong for not signing the land mines treaty.
You want to know why we don't offer schooling in prisons (hey, isn't that what public schools are for).
You think those stupid ribbons actually accomplish something.
You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.
You feel that banning smoking in public indoor places limits your constitutional rights.
You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your first amendment rights.
You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability benefits.
You outwardly said "I would have voted for Elizabeth Dole" knowing darn well you wouldn't have because she is a Republican.
You think it is ok for a President to commit perjury on his sex life, but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe wrong.
You stood on a soapbox demanding that Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones' accusations to be swept under the rug.
You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years and saves your kids life.
You sang along to "Give Peace a Chance" during the Gulf War.
You've filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high school.
You went to Woodstock II and felt that it was a significant historical event, changing the way our country thinks.
You own something that says, "Dukakis for President," and still display it.
You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so..."
You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.
You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.
You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."
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Joke mark: 2.38 (from 8 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
So they say blackberries are smart phones.i press the voice dailing button & the lady says" say ur command?" i say" i command a millon rand!!" she replies "sorry command not recognized try again"!! bommer!
[ Joke sent by Lesley Kensley ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Blonde Jokes
A blonde a brunett and a red head are told they will be put on an island with only one item of their choice.
the brunnett chose water and the red head chose food. the blonde chose a car door. when asked why she brought a car door she replied " i brought it because when it gets hot i can role down the window. duh"
[ Joke sent by Brittney Grice ]
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Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Funny Jokes
Knock knock
whos there?
jason
jason who?
i already told you bitch
[ Joke sent by Jason Toldd Yall ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Sport Jokes
10 Reasons Not To Jog
1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is.
2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
10. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
Did u hear princess diana had dandruff? they found her head & Shoulders in the car
[ Joke sent by Bennyg ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Blonde Jokes
Three blondes walk into a barber shop and the barber looks suprised and said to one of the girls why is your hair so blonde" She replys because its natural(and she fold her hair behind her ear) He asks the same to the next girl she replys the same answer as the first girl.He asks the third girl why her hair is so green she replys "because its naturalshe wipes her hand over her nose and then in her hair and says because its natural
[ Joke sent by Rhianna Rudgley ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Animal Jokes
A bufflo was leaving home for a couple weeks. as he was leaving guess wat his mom said?
BYSON!
[ Joke sent by Elle.:) ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Knock Knock Jokes
Knock knock
whos there?
adam morris
adam morris who
adam morris put your dick away
[ Joke sent by Mitchi Munro ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Medical Jokes
An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in.
The doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first."
The old woman says, "Oh, no, it's his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs."
The doctor says, "Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and God turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and God would turn the light out for him."
The old woman responded, "Damn it, he's peeing in the fridge again!"
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Short Jokes
What do
[ Joke sent by Schika ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Female Jokes
Q: How do prostitutes like their eggs for breakfast?
A: Unfertilized.
[ Joke sent by Bob ]
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Joke mark: 5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Female Jokes
Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
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Joke mark: 9.8 (from 5 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Yo Momma Jokes
Your moma is so stupid she sold her car for gas money
[ Joke sent by Matt ]
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 Funny Jokes From category Medical Jokes
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.
The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month in living expenses."
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Joke mark: 9.67 (from 3 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Medical Jokes
A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."
The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and asked with some trepidation, "Well, bro, what did you name them?"
Whereupon, his brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."
The husband, relieved, said, "That's a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?"
The brother winked and replied, "Denephew."
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Joke mark: 9.5 (from 2 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Blonde Jokes
How do you kill a blonde? You put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool
[ Joke sent by Joseph ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke
 Funny Jokes From category Yo Mama Jokes
Your mama's so fat even her thought's come with fries
[ Joke sent by Dan ]
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Joke mark: 9 (from 1 marks) - Give a mark for joke

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Funny Jokes - 25 May 2016

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